"What do I want? I want to serve. Whom do I want to serve? The LORD - in the person of his poor suffering chidlren. And what is my reward? I serve neither for reward nor thanks, but out of gratitude and love; my reward is that I am permitted to serve. And if I perish in doing so? If I perish, I perish...And if I grow old in this service? Then my heart shall flourish like the palm tree, and the LORD will satisfy me with grace and mercy. I walk in peace and am careful for nothing." - Wilhelm Lohe, J. Deinzer, W. Lohes Leben, III p. 179; quoted in Wolfgang Trillhaas, Der Dienst der Kirche am Menschen. Pastoraltheolgie (Munich: Chr. Kaiser Verlag, 1950), p. 66.In Mark 10:51, we have one of the most astounding moments recorded in human history. The very Son of God is speaking to a blind man, Bartimaeus, and asks him the most incredulous question one could possibly pose to a visually impaired person: "And Jesus answered and said unto him, What wilt thou that I should do unto thee?" It is quite logical to conclude that the overwhelming response emanating from the crowd would have sounded something similar to "DUH!?!?" Yet, Bartimaeus seems unphased by the apparent rudeness of his LORD. He simply replies, "LORD, that I might receive my sight." Mark concludes this scene with, "And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way." (KJV).
Now, here we are some two millennia later and the thought enters my feeble mind: "What do I want?" Not that I desire to make light of the question but it is usually asked with the intention of finding out what someone desires as a gift. Yet, what if you and I were in the physicial presence of our Master and King, Jesus Christ, and he posed the question to us? "What do you want?" Or, as previously noted, "What wilt thou that I should do unto thee?" It is certain from the above quotation Wilhelm Lohe pondered this question in his heart. Yet, what may not be obvious is that both he and Bartimaeus have something in common - they both are asking a rhetorical question.
Put it this way: a blind man needs to see...a minister needs to serve. It does not take an academic erudite to figure that out. So, what are we missing? That we need to seriously look into our hearts and consider the words...what do I want? Many ministers/pastors or small rural congregations want to get out and move upward to a larger charge. There would be a financial increase for the family; there would be more resources to attempt all of those ideas you have stashed away for a bigger and better congregation; the facilities would allow you to reach more people and not be embarrasing and require an explanation each time a new person came through the doors; the tribal mentality you have at the small church would vanish and now you could actually utilize terms and methodoligies for leadership you have been reading about online for the last ten years; and your children would not be the only ones who have to do everything youth are expected to do!
Other servants may actually want to stay where God has placed them. Only they would desire a change in the current status of physical needs for themselves and their families. Perhaps their "want" would focus on building programs or seminars on outreach ministries. These disciples of Christ "want" to stay where they are at...just fix a few things here and there to better serve and minister to the community.
Finally, there would be Wilhelm Lohe...and hopefully, you and I. Listen again to his words of longing: "What do I want? I want to serve." What power and purity of intention reside in his heart's cry! His physical well-being is placed properly in perspective - "If I perish, I perish." Does he desire a more majestic and proud status? No. Lohe yearns to lend his hand to God's "poor suffering children." Does Lohe want more of this world to satiate himself and his people? No. "...the LORD will satisfy me with grace and mercy." Yet, before you make a final assumption that Lohe was an incredible saint of God, know the following facts:
1.) He was stationed at one church all of his ministerial life! From 1837 - 1872 he served in a little German town called Neuendetteslau, near Nuremberg.
2.) He did not enjoy where he was stationed! According to Craig Nessan, Academic Dean and Professor of Contextual Theology at Wartburg Seminary in Iowa, "This was a call that Loehe did not covet...It has become legendary that Loehe commented about the village of Neuendettelsau that he would not even want his dog to be buried there. Loehe desired to serve in a city church, not in a village where the poverty and living conditions were dismal. (1)
3.) In spite of his distaste for where he resided, his faith in God led him to make a profound and lasting impact on a grand scale. Professor Nessan continues, "Yet from this unlikely place, God through Loehe launched reforms to the liturgy and mission to the world whose influence continues to this day. The history of the church in the U.S., Australia, and Papua New Guinea would each be significantly otherwise without the influence of Loehe in humble Neuendettelsau. Furthermore, one can only begin to imagine the healing impact on countless human lives made by the diaconal institutions founded by Loehe that have ministered in Germany since the middle of the 19th century to this day." (2)
What do you want? I hope, through this lesson, you have begun to realize it is not in things, places or appointments that we, as ministers serving in obscurity, find our wholeness...our completeness. Rather, it is in serving Christ Jesus the King - by way of reaching out to the "least of these" - that we find our greatest fullfilment. As servants of Almighty God it is not what I want, it is what he wants. Therein lies the rhetorical nature of the question. Whatever God wants, that is what I want, and the end result is not bad. Let the words of Professor Nessan lift your heart and desire to serve his people in your community: "God is no respecter of place when it comes to accomplishing mission. No matter where we are, God can and does further divine purposes in and through us." (3)
(1) Professor Craig Nessan, Wilhelm Loehe on the Christian Life, from the Journal of Lutheran Ethics, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Volume 10, Issue 2, February 2010 Issue.
(2) Ibid
(3) Ibid
