Suffering is the highest action of Christian obedience and I call blessed, not those who have worked, but all who have suffered. Suffering, is the greatest work in the discipleship of Jesus.
- Hermann Bezzel
Let's just be completely clear about one thing - this is not what Hermann Bezzel had in mind when he made the statement recorded at the top of this page. But, his message is one that resonates with anyone who has endured any type of suffering. physical, mental, spiritual, financial, verbal. Suffering is not something to be shielded from - something to run away in fear from - yet, neither is suffering what we all want; well, unless you are a sado-masochist and at this point, I hope everyone reading this post has a little more respect for themselves and others...
The lumbar puncture/spinal-tap is a moving experience. Actually, that would be a lie. You have to be completely still and are not allowed to move or perhaps you will be paralyzed, which the ameoba stated would be unfortunate...indeed?! Alot of people have had tremendously bad experiences with lumbar punctures - I for one found it quite painful (due to the fact that I cannot bend like a normal pretzel in direct relation to my back surgery) and lying immoble in a fetal position for over forty minutes is not what most 44 year old men like to do. It was nothing comparable to the nerve burn I enjoyed earlier in the year. That, was as close as walking into the gates of Hell as I would ever like to experience. Yet, here we are on the third night of me being in the hospital and well, I couldn't run anywhere. The window was still showing how cold and brutal the outside world was...the metal table with instruments that looked like they were retrieved out of one of the SAW movies they were wheeling into the room showed me how cold and brutal the inside could be.
I was by myself for this experience. Missy had gone home to check on the children and make sure her mother was still alive. I was blest, however, with very compassionate nurses who hovered over me lovingly, held me on my side, gently patted my shoulder and kept me still. My eyes would shut, open, shut, open, shut. Tears came and went - some out of fear, most from pain. They would change out my pillow case after the proceedure. Injection here, stab there. Total pain here. Nothing for a moment. Here is where Bezzel's comment comes into play. All the while I am lying on my side, curled up and shaking because the muscles I am not allowed to move are now starting to involuntarily move, God blessedly reminded me of His Word. His eternal Word. His Word which brings life. His Word which brings joy. His Word which heals. Psalms 23 and 121 were constantly and repeatedly whispered out loud. Philippians 4:13, the sermon on the Mount - anything and everything I could recall in the midst of the pain was coming through. It was such a beautiful time. I kept thanking God that my wife and kids were not having to go through this. They were not here to see me like this. I was even thanking Him for allowing me the honor of suffering through this. Now, before you jump ahead and put me on a pedestal, remember the title of this lesson: a four letter word and Jesus. My four letter word? PAIN. And it was all too real.
Christians. Non-believers. Ministers. Paino teachers. Librarians. Presidents. We are all humans. We all experience pain. We all suffer. Some of it is of our own doing while other pain is the result of the reprecussions of the words and actions of others. Other times, well, suffering is actually part of our healing. I know, Benny Hinn and Joyce Meyer, et all, are all upset with me now. But, it is true. Suffering is part of the healing process - by it's very nature! We cannot be healed, unless....wait for it, wait for it....we suffer! This is precisely why Bezzel's comment "Suffering is the greatest work in the discipleship of Jesus" is such a profound statement. We desire to be like Jesus in so many ways - WWJD, crosses around our necks, t-shirts with scripture on them, ugly-as-sin hats with I "heart" Jesus on them... You get the picture. We love to advertise our love for Jesus, our adoration for him, even our allegiance to him. Americans are especially adept at the bumper-sticker theology. But, do we want to suffer like him? Do we really want to share in the sufferings of the Son of God?
That is the last lesson in the school of discipleship I am guessing. No one really wants to sign up for it. It requires class participation and there is no skipping out. It just doesn't meet on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It does not take weekends off. Suffering requires that we endure pain. Pain on the outside. Pain on the inside. Pain we show in our faces. Pain we hide in our hearts. But, it is all there. It is all real. And, it is all screaming for anyone who has the ears to hear it and the desire to help us bear our burdens.
Pain reveals itself - manifests itself - in a variety of ways. Crying, sobbing, shaking, anger, cursing, hitting, withdrawal, silence. It attacks the young, the elderly, the innocent, the deserving. Pain knows no limits, no skin color, no age, no line of demarcation. Pain is and always will be...until...
Heaven. And, that is what I thought of. A place with no suffering. No pain. No crying. No fear. No shame. What pain are you going through? There is chronic pain. Acute pain. Throbbing pain. But, it's still pain. Some pain makes you walk a little different; other pain keeps you from walking period. Some pain causes you to slow down; other pain haults you all together. But, there is coming a time and a place where that four letter word will never be used or heard from again. That's something we can all look forward to.
I use a cane quite a bit lately. It's a little shameful to be honest. I am 44 after all! Who uses a cane at that age? I wonder what the parents of my children's friends think. Do they look at me with empathy? Indifference? Do they really care? Or, am I just another person to ignore whose sad story would be boring and bring them down? This is precisely why I can say how grateful I am for what God brought me through at the hospital. The lumbar puncture was just another episode in life where I can listen now to someone tell me what they went through and I can absolutely and unequivocally understand and feel their pain. Suffering is indeed the greatest work in learning to be a follower of Christ Jesus the Lord. As his disciples we can share in his suffering, his obedience unto death, and not just label ourselves "Christian." We are Christian. And, when others suffer, we can be to them what Christ would have us to be - a trusted friend.
Friedrich Zundel once stated, "When difficulties pile up before you like insurmountable mountains...when behind you, you see nothing but failures...when before you, you see nothing but trouble...do what is at hand to do. Consider each single day to be your appointed task. Leave to God the care of the future." Beautiful isn't it? I think my day with the lumbar puncture, which I failed to mention was immediately followed by an almost hour long MRI - body now stretched out! - that day was my appointed day to suffer. And, blessedly, I learned from it. "Praise be unto God for his indescribable gift!"
Paul of Tarsus had a "thorn in the flesh" which remained. God's grace was sufficient. Still is. We believers need to quit asking God to take things from us and begin to ask him to walk with us through them. Isn't that what the 23rd Psalm is all about? I do not know what lies ahead for me and my family. The most up-to-date analysis on my situation is as follows: the lesion on my brain is still there (1/25/11). It is not a malignant tumor. It may be benign. Since it is still there, it is not a virus. Most likely? The beginnings of MS. Multiple sclerosis. I have all the symptoms and the lesion is in the precise location they usually show up when MS is clinically diagnosed. It sure would explain alot of the things my body has been doing/not doing over the last few years. We are still waiting for a couple of tests, but that is where they are laying all of their betting money. Go here to learn more about MS - http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/multiple_sclerosis/detail_multiple_sclerosis.htm.
There are a lot of great sites on the web and I am learning as much as possible as quick as possible. Thanks to all of you who have read and responded to my posts. This has been a great avenue of healing for me. And, I am learning. Which is why I label each post as a lesson. I hope you will learn with me. Grow with me. Mature with me.
I would like to leave you with words from a wonderful song, My Immortal, by Evanescence. It is found on their album, Fallen. The vocalist, Amy Lee, has the most haunting and velvety voice my ears have ever been blest to hear.
Let's just be completely clear about one thing - this is not what Hermann Bezzel had in mind when he made the statement recorded at the top of this page. But, his message is one that resonates with anyone who has endured any type of suffering. physical, mental, spiritual, financial, verbal. Suffering is not something to be shielded from - something to run away in fear from - yet, neither is suffering what we all want; well, unless you are a sado-masochist and at this point, I hope everyone reading this post has a little more respect for themselves and others...
The lumbar puncture/spinal-tap is a moving experience. Actually, that would be a lie. You have to be completely still and are not allowed to move or perhaps you will be paralyzed, which the ameoba stated would be unfortunate...indeed?! Alot of people have had tremendously bad experiences with lumbar punctures - I for one found it quite painful (due to the fact that I cannot bend like a normal pretzel in direct relation to my back surgery) and lying immoble in a fetal position for over forty minutes is not what most 44 year old men like to do. It was nothing comparable to the nerve burn I enjoyed earlier in the year. That, was as close as walking into the gates of Hell as I would ever like to experience. Yet, here we are on the third night of me being in the hospital and well, I couldn't run anywhere. The window was still showing how cold and brutal the outside world was...the metal table with instruments that looked like they were retrieved out of one of the SAW movies they were wheeling into the room showed me how cold and brutal the inside could be.
I was by myself for this experience. Missy had gone home to check on the children and make sure her mother was still alive. I was blest, however, with very compassionate nurses who hovered over me lovingly, held me on my side, gently patted my shoulder and kept me still. My eyes would shut, open, shut, open, shut. Tears came and went - some out of fear, most from pain. They would change out my pillow case after the proceedure. Injection here, stab there. Total pain here. Nothing for a moment. Here is where Bezzel's comment comes into play. All the while I am lying on my side, curled up and shaking because the muscles I am not allowed to move are now starting to involuntarily move, God blessedly reminded me of His Word. His eternal Word. His Word which brings life. His Word which brings joy. His Word which heals. Psalms 23 and 121 were constantly and repeatedly whispered out loud. Philippians 4:13, the sermon on the Mount - anything and everything I could recall in the midst of the pain was coming through. It was such a beautiful time. I kept thanking God that my wife and kids were not having to go through this. They were not here to see me like this. I was even thanking Him for allowing me the honor of suffering through this. Now, before you jump ahead and put me on a pedestal, remember the title of this lesson: a four letter word and Jesus. My four letter word? PAIN. And it was all too real.
Christians. Non-believers. Ministers. Paino teachers. Librarians. Presidents. We are all humans. We all experience pain. We all suffer. Some of it is of our own doing while other pain is the result of the reprecussions of the words and actions of others. Other times, well, suffering is actually part of our healing. I know, Benny Hinn and Joyce Meyer, et all, are all upset with me now. But, it is true. Suffering is part of the healing process - by it's very nature! We cannot be healed, unless....wait for it, wait for it....we suffer! This is precisely why Bezzel's comment "Suffering is the greatest work in the discipleship of Jesus" is such a profound statement. We desire to be like Jesus in so many ways - WWJD, crosses around our necks, t-shirts with scripture on them, ugly-as-sin hats with I "heart" Jesus on them... You get the picture. We love to advertise our love for Jesus, our adoration for him, even our allegiance to him. Americans are especially adept at the bumper-sticker theology. But, do we want to suffer like him? Do we really want to share in the sufferings of the Son of God?
That is the last lesson in the school of discipleship I am guessing. No one really wants to sign up for it. It requires class participation and there is no skipping out. It just doesn't meet on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It does not take weekends off. Suffering requires that we endure pain. Pain on the outside. Pain on the inside. Pain we show in our faces. Pain we hide in our hearts. But, it is all there. It is all real. And, it is all screaming for anyone who has the ears to hear it and the desire to help us bear our burdens.
Pain reveals itself - manifests itself - in a variety of ways. Crying, sobbing, shaking, anger, cursing, hitting, withdrawal, silence. It attacks the young, the elderly, the innocent, the deserving. Pain knows no limits, no skin color, no age, no line of demarcation. Pain is and always will be...until...
Heaven. And, that is what I thought of. A place with no suffering. No pain. No crying. No fear. No shame. What pain are you going through? There is chronic pain. Acute pain. Throbbing pain. But, it's still pain. Some pain makes you walk a little different; other pain keeps you from walking period. Some pain causes you to slow down; other pain haults you all together. But, there is coming a time and a place where that four letter word will never be used or heard from again. That's something we can all look forward to.
I use a cane quite a bit lately. It's a little shameful to be honest. I am 44 after all! Who uses a cane at that age? I wonder what the parents of my children's friends think. Do they look at me with empathy? Indifference? Do they really care? Or, am I just another person to ignore whose sad story would be boring and bring them down? This is precisely why I can say how grateful I am for what God brought me through at the hospital. The lumbar puncture was just another episode in life where I can listen now to someone tell me what they went through and I can absolutely and unequivocally understand and feel their pain. Suffering is indeed the greatest work in learning to be a follower of Christ Jesus the Lord. As his disciples we can share in his suffering, his obedience unto death, and not just label ourselves "Christian." We are Christian. And, when others suffer, we can be to them what Christ would have us to be - a trusted friend.
Friedrich Zundel once stated, "When difficulties pile up before you like insurmountable mountains...when behind you, you see nothing but failures...when before you, you see nothing but trouble...do what is at hand to do. Consider each single day to be your appointed task. Leave to God the care of the future." Beautiful isn't it? I think my day with the lumbar puncture, which I failed to mention was immediately followed by an almost hour long MRI - body now stretched out! - that day was my appointed day to suffer. And, blessedly, I learned from it. "Praise be unto God for his indescribable gift!"
Paul of Tarsus had a "thorn in the flesh" which remained. God's grace was sufficient. Still is. We believers need to quit asking God to take things from us and begin to ask him to walk with us through them. Isn't that what the 23rd Psalm is all about? I do not know what lies ahead for me and my family. The most up-to-date analysis on my situation is as follows: the lesion on my brain is still there (1/25/11). It is not a malignant tumor. It may be benign. Since it is still there, it is not a virus. Most likely? The beginnings of MS. Multiple sclerosis. I have all the symptoms and the lesion is in the precise location they usually show up when MS is clinically diagnosed. It sure would explain alot of the things my body has been doing/not doing over the last few years. We are still waiting for a couple of tests, but that is where they are laying all of their betting money. Go here to learn more about MS - http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/multiple_sclerosis/detail_multiple_sclerosis.htm.
There are a lot of great sites on the web and I am learning as much as possible as quick as possible. Thanks to all of you who have read and responded to my posts. This has been a great avenue of healing for me. And, I am learning. Which is why I label each post as a lesson. I hope you will learn with me. Grow with me. Mature with me.
I would like to leave you with words from a wonderful song, My Immortal, by Evanescence. It is found on their album, Fallen. The vocalist, Amy Lee, has the most haunting and velvety voice my ears have ever been blest to hear.
I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all of my childish fears.
And if you have to leave, I wish you would just leave,
Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And, I've held your hand through all of these years...
but you still have all of me.
